What’s In A Title?

Why we can all be doing anti-racist work, no matter our job titles. 

I’ve always been someone who stays in a state of reflection…some might call it over-thinking. Regardless, I am always trying to find ways to better myself and live in my purpose God has called on my life. Recently, with the state of America and the horrific violence on Black bodies, specifically Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, and George Floyd — I found myself in a weird place. Previously, when these issues have occurred (even though they are always occurring) I’ve occupied jobs that are directly tied to social justice. This time around, I’m working as a Retail Customer Service Representative…doesn’t sound very “social justice-y”. Surprisingly, I found myself with the time to be more vocal on social media, with coworkers, and friends in ways that I haven’t been able to since college. As a result, I started to question my belief around titles.

Wayne A. I. Frederick on Twitter: "George Floyd. Ahmaud Arbery ...
Art by Nikkolas Smith.

I’ve always thought for me to be a productive and successful activist I needed to be working for a big nonprofit organization or in some arena that has to do with education, mass incarceration, affordable housing, etc. This time in my life though has challenged that. When I was a teacher, I knew I was doing good work and impacting change in some capacity but I also felt very restricted in how I could advocate for my students. Having to follow strict pacing calendars and meet state evaluation standards got in the way of the teacher I wanted to be for my students. On top of the job being exhausting, I was often left with little energy to focus and speak up on important issues. 

Yet here I am in this job with the time and space to challenge individuals that do not look or think like me, an opportunity I haven’t been able to capitalize on in a while. Which brings me to my point that you don’t have to have the obvious title that says you are doing anti-racist work. Anti-racist work can be done every day in every job. It’s what you choose to make it and how you decide to show up. It takes creativity but here are some questions that I can offer: What conversations could be had and who could you be having them with? How can you support Black people around you? What systems are you challenging?

I recently took the risk of starting the conversation about race in a couple of different spaces and was amazingly surprised by the response. You have to start somewhere. Of course, in a capacity you can sustain because your wellbeing and self-preservation are most important. For my Black readers, it is not our sole responsibility to do the heavy lifting of educating white people and others. Go about that in whichever way you choose. But white people, do not expect this work to just be done for you. 

Intention.

in·​ten·​tion | \ in-ˈten(t)-shən

what one intends to do or bring about

Intentions…we hear the word all the time but how many of us can say we stay intentional in everything we do? I can’t and as a result, I’m left with some questions:

What’s going on? What am I really doing?

Following the tragic death of Kobe Bryant, his daughter, and the passengers on board — these questions seem to be more prevalent than ever. Personally, it has challenged me but also validated some big decisions I’ve made, specifically one in particular. 

I recently quit my job as a teacher mid-year. When I committed the next two years of my life to Teach For America, never did I think I would end up leaving the classroom and my kids before my two years were up. 

I’m someone who likes to know the “why” behind things. WHY am I doing this? WHAT does it serve? If I can’t find the why I have a hard time sticking to what I’m doing. As a result, midway through my second year teaching I ran into that problem. I was physically present at my job, doing what I had to — but this recurring thought kept coming to me, asking “WHY are you here? WHAT are we doing?” I really felt like…

Okay…here I am teaching primarily black and brown kids math to prepare for an EOG but what am I really doing to prepare these kids for life? Will my students be able to conduct themselves in a manner where they can problem solve and be independent learners? Will they be able to present themselves with confidence when it comes to getting a job? After they take that EOG, will they be able to be successful outside of the classroom?

The education system is a monster like no other. It’s clearly broken, yet everyday you have thousands of people going in trying to change and impact the minds of America’s future (y’all still don’t want to pay them what they deserve but that’s another blog…for of course another day). I first wanted to be a teacher to serve the needs of marginalized students and really be there for kids. It’s challenging to serve those greater needs with all of the pressures of teaching. You prepare lessons hoping to execute it perfectly and on pace but let’s be real we’re talking about teenagers with hormones at levels we can’t even imagine…there is no perfect in teaching. So you hope to find the balance, somewhere between really caring about the kids and making sure they know that, but also holding them to a high standard by delivering content at a rigorous level. I struggled to find that balance.

I’m still trying to find it. How do I provide support to the kids that need it while still remaining true to what I believe in? As hard as it was to walk away from my students, I know there was a reason why those feelings surfaced. I don’t know the reason yet but I know it’s there. It brings me back to WHY though. Whatever I’m doing, or you’re doing, you’ve got to have motive behind it. Life is too short to be moving through life without intention. This goes for your career, relationships, friendships, anything! Are we giving our all at our jobs? Are we treating the people in our lives with the respect and love they deserve? Questions I’m still reflecting on and hope to eventually answer with a 100% ‘yes’. 

Until then, here I am, 25-years old, working three jobs, and 3,000 miles away from home and my family trying to figure it out. There’s a lot I could be mad at. Living in Charlotte has been rough…I think back on some experiences and it just leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I find myself thinking “I don’t have to deal with this but here I am…why?!” It’s not ideal and honestly so hard but I’m here and there’s a reason for it.

Bad things are going to happen but life is truly about how you choose to react. Wherever you are in your journey…sad, mad, or glad, I urge you to think about taking a different perspective on how you look at what’s going on in your life. We forget how much of a blessing life is…even the difficult parts of it are still blessings. Things may not be the best for you, but I guarantee they’re better than someone else’s. Make every day count!

Dating and The Societal Pressures That Come With It

Let’s get real, people. About what you ask? Dating. 

What is the big deal? Why does society make us feel as if we are missing out on something if we aren’t dating? Why does it take meeting someone else to expedite the process of getting over someone? 

Well, I’m sick of it. 

I’m a sensitive ass soul. I feel deeply, probably love too deeply too quickly but it’s me. I have no problem being hurt. I think it’s a normal process and should be endured in order to recover effectively. 

Recently, I stepped away from a situationship that just wasn’t serving me anymore. No matter the angle I tried to approach it I could not justify being involved with that person any longer. It went on for some time and boy did I want that thing to last. During that time, was I aware of the red flags and problematic actions? Yes. Was I in the mental state to take action on these observations? No. A toxic job will have you holding on the tightest to friends, relationships, bad habits, anything — as long as it keeps bringing you greater satisfaction than what is bringing you the most dissatisfaction. But that’s another post for another day. 

Anyway, stepped away from it. WOO! Go me, I’m doing what’s best for me. It’s about time. Like any other break up that’s not a break cuz you were never together, there’s hurt, frustration, anger…all the feels. Nothing surprising, I’m ready to work through it because it’s only going to make me better, stronger, any positive adjective I guess. 

So like the responsible young woman I am, I think to myself, “I should probably take this time for myself and focus on myself which probably doesn’t look like dating someone.” Really, I was just at a place where I didn’t want to be bothered by someone or make the effort to get to know someone because I so badly wanted to get to know the amazing dope individual I am…again. But of course, these boys stay active and all of a sudden I found myself at a bar with a nice, successful man who seemed to have it together for the most part. We hit it off of course (smh I need to stop being so enticing), exchange numbers, and next thing you know we have a date set.


A part of me is excited, I’m feeling good. Thinking to myself “the kid still got it.” Not sure why I ever thought I had lost it but I’m back. The world better watch out. But there was this small part of me that was holding me back. I knew I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to jump back into the dating game…happy to sit this one out! 

I did not know what was going on. Here I was, a mess and still am. But a mess in the best way, of course. All my friends are saying, “go” and “this is what you need”. But here I was only more confused because how could someone besides me know what I need?

We live in a time where we are attuned to think what we need is based off what other people are doing. We see these lives being lived — lives that look attractive and care-free and try to somehow replicate the process in hopes of achieving it ourselves. I’m guilty of it just as much as anyone else. But what I’m learning is, we know so much more about ourselves than we think. We just need to listen to it without the fear or concern of what others may think. 

So, I know I’m just another millennial with a blog trying to navigate my 20s…but I can’t be the only one with thoughts about the societal pressures on dating. I would love to know your thoughts so feel free to comment your thoughts or ANYTHING below!

Another Millennial With A Blog…Are You Surprised?

Welcome to my blog! My grandma tells me I’m a good writer and I’ve come to the realization I am…so here we are.

My name is Marissa…I’m just another millennial going through a quarter life crisis trying to work it out through a blog — and hopefully maybe help, inspire, or give someone a laugh along the way.

Be prepared to read some real stuff I’m going through, music I’m listening to, fashions I’m eyeing, or just random thoughts of mine that turned into a blog post.

Take a look around, share your thoughts, and repeat.

Enjoy!